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i know it’s a sad song, but i like it. it’s a rainy day outside, and i dunno. just felt like postin the song. :) coldplay is overrated in my opinion, they’re too much like U2, but hey. i can like their songs anyway. :)

my official favorite song.

today was… just wow. a girl in my grade came up with the idea to have a chapel for our youthpastor. his 10 year old son has some kind of cancer. something to do with the colon, cause theyre taking out a chunk of it tuesday. i remember when the kid was perfectly healthy, happy. just goes to show you never know what’s gonna come.

one of my favorite sayings: you never know what you got till it’s gone.

so, for our youthpastor, we made banners and cards for him. we put a chair on the stage for him, but he moved down by us. we sang some of his favorite songs. we passed the mic all the way around, and basically everyone said something and choked up.

my teacher gave him our cards, and $162 we raised in the course of one day. she ended up crying in the middle of her thanks to him for all he does. we’re talking about a dedicated Christian, friend, dad here. devoted- willing to reach out individually to us.

where i stand (or stood) on the whole Christian thing: i doubt. a lot. i’ve doubted whether God exists. My mom would always say she thought it took more faith to not believe in Jesus- because there’s evidence everywhere. i just didnt know where i stood on that. whenever i thought i did have the faith, it would slip away, and i would wonder how i even thought i had faith in the first place. i assumed it was because i live in a Christian home.

sorry bout that- on with the story. i’ll explain my current position on all that in a sec.

my teacher started crying, and well, here goes the snowball effect. everyone started crying. i sure as heck did. i was actually shaking the rest of the day. im shaking now. God, girls have the worst emotional stuff..we all individually went up to our pastor, who was also crying, and we prayed with him.

i cried. i cried for all that’s happened with the shop, what i’ve had, what i’ve lost, what i will never have again, and what i do have. oh, the whole shop/house thing’s another story.

First part of song:

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it’s still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
“I’m with you”
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

wow. the most powerful lyrics ive ever heard. because i can relate. my favorite words out of the whoe song: “I’m with you.” how freaking comforting. to me, no, he’s not just this big stupid made up ball of light. call me crazy, but i believe now. the emotions that were envoked from today are crazy. if i didn’t have that anchor, that reassurence someone is there, i’d fall apart. he’s there. i’ve known that my whole life, i just never took the step to believe it.

when we sang that last song in chapel, i was moved. the thought of our small middleschool singing our hearts out under one God comforts me. the fellowship of it all blows my mind. just like a similar story my mom told today (jeez- today was crazy)

she said she worked with a 32 year old who had cancer. the lady fought the cancer, did everything she could. she was devout Christian though. now, i cant imagine what it would be like to not know what happened if you died. anyway, her church friends got the news she was dying. the 32 year old held her husband’s hand as she died peacefully, while the whole church congregation stood outside, forming two circles around her house, all holding hands, all praising God, all praying, all crying, all thankful.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Ps. 23:4

if you’re (whoever you are) offended by this, or just whatever, dont be. this is basically my own personal diary entry thingie. my vent of the crazy emotional feelings from today, if you will.